How to Pray When You Have Made a Mess of Your Own Life
Psalm 41
If you have ever been caught in a sin, and that sin kicked off a series of consequences that have made a mess of your life, then Psalm 41 is the prayer for you.
The song begins with what might be called a Torah psalm, a song extolling the blessings of those who delight in the law of the Lord, meditate upon it, and follow its commands (see Psalm 1 and Psalm 19). These three verses narrowly focus on one aspect of living according to the law of God: considering the poor (1), a word which means “low, weak, poor, or thin.” The blessings of doing so include God’s deliverance from trouble (1), protection (2), preservation from the will of his enemies (2), sustenance (3), and healing from illness (3). In short, blessed is the one who walks in the ways of the Lord.
The song shifts into something more akin to a lament, a cry of pain, a cry in which David describes in detail his trouble. His enemies can’t wait for his death (5), hate him (7), imagine the worst for him (7), even rejoice when a deadly thing is fastened to him (8). To make matters worse, even a close friend (9) has joined those who oppose him. In short, he enemies surround him and seek his death.
These movements culminate in a prayer, a prayer for God’s grace (10) to raise him up (10), to prevent his enemies from shouting in triumph over him (11), to set him in the presence of God forever (12).
The complexity of prayer lies in the difference between verse 4 and verse 12. On the one hand, David confesses that he has sinned against the Lord (4). On the other hand, David believes his integrity is worthy of the Lord upholding him (12). Which one is right?
Here is where the rubber of confession meets the road of repentance.
David knows the Lord will bless those who consider the poor and weak, and they will rest under His protection and healing. But he also knows that he has sinned and not considered the poor and weak, something the psalm does not explain, though we can infer from the progression of the prayer. However, even as he confesses his sin, he also sees how this one sin has made a mess of his life. The sharks are gathering in the waters. God has laid His hand heavy upon David in the form of some illness, serious enough that his enemies are hoping that he never arises again (8) and that he will die (5).
And now, David is caught praying for grace. O Lord, be gracious to me (10).
How do we pray when we know that our sin has totally messed up our lives, and it is all our fault? We can follow in the prayer footsteps of David in Psalm 41.
First, we confess our sins (4). The longer we try to ignore our sin, justify our sin, blame others for our sin, or redefine sin, the longer it takes for healing and restoration to enter our lives. It helps when we can point to a specific command of God we have disobeyed, much like David did. Vague confession is not enough in times like this. Be specific.
Second, we admit our current situation is a result of our sin (4). Because of my sin, my good friend has abandoned me. Because of my sin, my enemies are hopeful that I will be cut down. Because of my sin, people hate me and whisper about me. I’ve got no one else to blame but me. Don’t sugarcoat it.
Third, we confess our belief in the grace of God (10). The gospel is simple: God loves sinners. It makes no sense. It defies understanding. God loves sinners. If we confess our sins, He is just and faithful to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. When we have sinned and made a mess of our lives, we throw ourselves on the undeserved grace of God.
Finally, a desire to be set in the presence of the Lord forever must drive our prayers (12). Wanting to be delivered from the consequences of our sin is not the same as confession and repentance. Every sinner who gets caught wants to escape the consequences. The redeemed are different. Our desire is for the Lord to restore our relationship with Him. Sure, in pain we do want to be healed (4), we do want our enemies to be defeated (11), perhaps even want revenge (10). However, the desire the Lord honors is the desire to be set in His presence forever.
In other words, God might not deliver you from the consequences but sustain you through the consequences for His glory. And if that is what it means to be set in His presence forever, then so be it.
We need to keep Psalm 41 handy, for we will pray this prayer of confession and repentance many times in our lives.